Archive for May, 2012

Writing has always been a spiritual practice for me. Like many others I write for many different reasons… therapeutic venting, creative fiction, poetry, recording of significant events, doodling and on and on. What may or may not be like others is the immense amount  of journals I have dedicated to specific themes… so I thought it would be fun to talk about them here while I count them up!

1. Journal where anything goes, however it is mostly normal life events.

2. Goddess Poetry Journal

3. Moonblood journal… written in once every time my cycle occurs.

4. Birthday journal… written in only on birthdays (my mom started this when I was born and I took over when I was old enough).

5. Short story journal… the final drafts go in this decorative journal.

6. Spiritual growth journal… significant meditations, rituals, meditations and developments go in here.

7. Pagan Holiday scrapbook

8. My Book of Shadows…  I once saw a handwritten prayer-book from the 14th century. It was small enough to travel easily with and it inspired me to make my BoS the same size. I don’t put anything about my own experiences in there as I plan on passing it down to my children one day, but it is a collection of inspiring poetry, chants, songs and information that I want to keep with me always for the spur of the moment events.

9. Premonitions Journal… I have had premonitions and foretelling dreams since I was a small child and so I finally decided to start recording them. Interesting enough, once I did this, the occurrences seemed to slow down… but could be unrelated.

10. Diary to my daughter… I started this the day I found out I was having a girl. It talks about her but also things I want her to know about me or the world at the time that I wrote the entry. Some inspirational quotes are in there about life.

11. Diary to my son…  same as above.

12. Kali journal… dedicated to Kali Ma. Mostly it is like a conversation book with her.

13. Idea journal… small book I carry in my purse so that I can jot down ideas right away.

14. Tarot research journal… I’ve been working on creating my own tarot for almost two years. Research and ideas go here.

15. Moon cycle journal.. I started this last year to see if I followed the moon cycle in any way with my insomnia, dreams, creativity or moods.

16. Dragon journal… Tulie and I began working with dragons over a year a go and I started this then to track the progress.

17. An unnamed journal used for spiritual drawings only.

18. Music score journal… trying to hopefully record all of my songs one day in there.

19. A spiritual evolution quote book… when I learn something new about reality and life I write a short saying about it here with decorative handwriting. The whole thing ends up reading like a book.

20. This blog!

Uhhhh…. this was way more than I thought. Of course I don’t write in these constantly but they are on-going in my life. Hope it was inspiring to you. I also hope that you are blessed with people in your home that respect your privacy.  Writing a journal can be a sacred art that should cater to only one thing- you. If anyone has any other journals they keep I would love to hear about them!


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We owe it to our ancestors to fight.





To fight for their ways that worked for millenia that aligned with the earth.





They fought so hard to keep our species alive

and yet we sit around and poison the very bodies they blessed us with.





We owe it to our selves to keep vigilant on restoring harmony to our planet.

We owe it to the future.

For if we don’t, the future of our species will not be there.





We are not higher than the other animals.

If our purpose is to keep the earth in balance and in return we have knowledge of that nature

than  surely we have now abused our privilege of knowledge.




If you don’t believe me than split open a sea turtle’s stomach and tell me,

how is the human race not to blame for the plastic bags that line their insides?






Tonight I sing for restoration and balance.




Tonight I pray for our species to wake up and see our true impact.




Tonight I chant for change.

Oh Mamma Mother God

You who many have  Forgot

Welcome Change Welcome Change

Stir, Stir the Pot.


Pictures from: nacva.com- lady justice, castlesandmanorhouses.com- woodcut, jmu.edu- soup msg warning, visionmagazine.com-pink sky, sacredsongblessings.blogspot.com-  person singing sacred, dark.pozadia.org- red eye, roguewyndwalker.deviantart.com- cauldron and goddess

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     A thin layer of snow covered the bare fields and scattered patches of woods below, but I could not feel the cold. What I did feel was the pressure of being pulled toward the stars and the movement of wind as I flew. Arms opened wide, I soared above the wide expansion of space and was absolutely giddy knowing that I was finally liberated from gravity.

            I spotted a few travelers below and met with them. I tried to teach them how they could also fly. I told them to gaze upon a distant star and will yourself to be pulled there. Only one came close by  jumping a high leap, but none of them achieved flight. This was okay, I told them, I also had been like this before. I bid them farewell and before rising once more into the night, I spotted the outline of a buck against a vivid, golden moon rising along the horizon.

My first attempt at astral flight was during a welcoming ceremony held on the roof of a distant palace. It seemed that higher beings wanted to celebrate one of my first conscious projections to the astral. Everyone was decked in elegant clothing and music was playing joyfully in the background. And then I did something really, really stupid… I was talking to this woman who looked like she was from India. Her hair was long and black and her dress was made of red silk. She was explaining to me why this celebration was going on. Instead of joining the party, however, I became so excited that I was finally projecting that I ran right to the balcony and announced that I was going to fly. “No”, she said, “you are not ready.” Did I listen to her? Nope. Nope. Nope. I just jumped off that beautiful balcony and fell straight down, past what seemed like many levels of astral worlds until I landed back into my body. Never have I been invited to return again. Who knows what wonderful things could have happened at that place?!

I read later in Astral Dynamics, by Robert Bruce, that astral ceremonies sometimes occur when higher spirits want to mark the occasion of a first time projection. (By the way, this book is highly, highly recommended by me.) So wow, I blew that chance to go to that. But I did learn from it. First of all, at that time the only beings I listened to was the gods themselves. With most other beings, human or not, I unfortunately did not humble myself for. Since then, I have really learned to open myself up to teachers in many forms. I have had to realize, I do not know it all… and oooh that hurts to admit sometimes, doesn’t it?

Secondly, I have learned that the astral world is not a do anything that you please place. So this is not a lucid dream, either. There are consequences. There are real beings with real events occurring here. Courteousness is needed. Like on this earth plane, there are some things that need to be developed before you attempt it full heartedly. I wouldn’t go scuba diving without a lesson, and so I probably shouldn’t try to fly off a balcony either. When I did finally start learning to fly it was by baby steps. I started on the ground and eventually moved up to flying on brooms. Last night when I saw the buck, I am pleased to say that this was one of my first times I was able to fly at will without manifesting brooms or by saying out loud where I want to go. Just flying for fun!

And lastly, I have learned that there are so many different places one can go in the astral. Wherever that ceremony was held at was a wonderful place full of love and light. I have also visited Benevento and met with other witches and played some of their games. I briefly visited Hexenplatz and found myself in a night club like scene. None of these places I have visited in entirety though. I have found that it works best to say the name of the place you want to go once you leave your body and your spirit will take over and zip you over there.

Many Blessings! Thanks for reading!               ~Cicada

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When I was 18 I decided to become initiated by the elements.

As I was living in a chaotic household at the time, I chose Earth to be my first teacher. I dedicated myself for a year and a day to Earth. Little did I know that in beginning this process I would be opening myself in such a way that I would be changed forever. Instead of getting into an Earth mindset, Earth was the one that entered my life. I was challenged  and taught with all things that dealt with growth and stability. Through the challenges, Earth taught me about money, staying centered and grounded and being stable emotionally and physically while chaos orbited around me. I was faced with a horrendous illness and learned how to heal myself. I was learning to become independent even more than I was before. I met a group of strong women. I gained opportunities to venture into new wild wooded areas.

For my next year and a day I chose Water, because that was the one I was most afraid of. I grew up with a bipolar parent and I generally did not like to open up the floodgates of my own soul, seeing how forceful the waters could be first hand. But I soon found out the great power of emotion in magic and in living an authentic life! Once I really got in touch with my emotions I could see the blockages that I needed to face and heal in order to move on with my life. I broke up with my long-time boyfriend because I realized my love for him was more sisterly. I faced my parents and had many conversations about our past. I learned about forgiveness. I went with the flow of life. I met my husband…  I was beginning to open and expand.

The year after this I opened up to Fire. This is when I became more of the free spirit that I first knew as a wild child running through the woods. Imagine a giant flame burning away and flaking away all that is no longer needed. Fire entered my life and I felt great power, maybe even too much at the time for  what I was doing, but still I learned. I went to PSG (pagan spirit gathering) for the first time and danced in my first drum circle around the flames of the Litha bonfires. I took up fire poi. I also became greatly courageous in making big choices in my life. I knew how to be fierce when I needed to be. I stood up to a parent who had threatened me one too many times about kicking me out if I continued to be pagan. I moved in with my then fiance. I helped start a pagan group and later felt the deep burn when that went bad.I also began to do energy work and realized many abilities there.

I welcomed Air with open arms. I have always been an extreme airy person. Intellectual thought, poetry, creativity, spaceyness… this is all me. So I really didn’t know what air could bring me, but I found myself seriously taking up writing. I found myself beginning to learn astral projection. Also, my dreams became vivid. Because I was more balanced in the other elements, inviting air in was the icing on the cake, the sweetness had something to anchor in. I began to do more spirit work, too.

I was going to end with Air. I really was. But when I did my initiation with Air after a year and a day I knew it wasn’t over. A year and a day of Spirit was in store… marriage, buying a house and I swear I didn’t plan this, but  exactly after a year and a day had passed, on that very day, my daughter was born!

My initiation with the elements gave me tools and learning experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world. Inviting them in should not be taken lightly. The power is real. They will take you out of your comfort zone. While I do feel fairly balanced elementally still to this day, this in no way indicates perfection. I am continuing to learn and expand. However, the experience did give me the foundation to approach spiritual lessons honestly and courageously.

Here is the tattoo I designed after going through all of this: The moon shape is for the Goddess. It has become a little faded since then, but there is a branch for earth, seashell and starfish for water, candle for fire, feather for air and stars for spirit.

Well there you go! Lol, now you know more about me than most people in my life!    ~Cicada




(yellow cloaked figure from The Village movie)

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Death remains all around us as we go on living.

With time, all things collapse and new growth surrounds it.

Each moment falls away to make room for the new.

We breathe only to exhale and gently open again.

Like a dream, we open our eyes to beauty

only to close them to the dark.

Blessed are those who can remember the past,

but the mind’s ultimate sacrifice is knowing what will soon  pass.


            Working with bones is something new for me. I used to cringe at the thought. I was unsure how to approach it and I suspected it was disrespectful. Tulie has worked with them for many years, but I always admired from afar wondering why it felt okay for her but not for me. And I am glad I did not work with them quite yet, nothing can be forced and everyone has their own reasons to do or not do things.

            And then, like a flower slowly opening, I started to feel differently. Logic has nothing to do with it, it was more of an intuitive knowing… Some bones want to be worked with.

           I walked past this deer skull at a flee market and it sang my name. It beckoned me with it’s sun-bleached bone. It reasoned with me to take it home. It sat on my dresser for two nights waiting for me to receive it’s dream.

         Following it’s vision, I picked fresh flowers and decorated him in a patch of clover. Then I welcomed him into my Wild Man garden where I hope he dreams more dreams for whoever needs his share.

The beauty of flower will fade, petals bleeding darker shades,

but the memory of bone remain- a tribute to eternal truth.


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Last night Tulie and I visited a coyote who I buried this past winter. A hunter had shot him during hunting season because he was afraid the coyote would scare off the deer.

We gave offerings of tobacco, yew, mullen and deer meat.

We rattled and spoke our prayers.

We welcomed him in spirit.

Later at night, she dreamed of a trickster moon.

I dreamed of bone and fur and mud.

Coyote totem energy is chaotic and quick-minded. Leave it to clever coyote to come up with a solution or to get you to where you need to be, but be prepared for the seemingly half-hazard way he will go about putting that change into motion. As a Kali devotee, I feel a connection with coyote medicine as both coyote and Kali are creators and destroyers of time and what we think reality actually is (an illusion, by the way). With coyote, I welcome the playful spirit of life as a reminder that we need to live more spontaneously and keep aware and awake in our daily lives. Like the paradox of Kali’s threatening image, Coyote also dwells in the threshold of collapsing expectations in order to expand consciousness.

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This past year I have become more spacy. I find myself quickly going into trances during ritual. My dreams take me on epic journeys almost every night (wolves have been the theme lately). I can sit for hours alone doing art. I am an air sign, but lately it has been so extreme that my memory of what went on in the subconscious gets a bit foggy. A little grounding could do me well.

My body has been begging me to stretch it. I am wanting to dance. I want to move in ways that I have never before…

And then I remembered back to my nightly routine when I was eleven. With my blacklight on and CD player playing Pure Moods, I used to move my body in ways to open me up to Great Spirit. Dancing and stretching in my little bedroom, magical blanket under my feet, I used to evoked the mysterious and transcend past my daily struggles every night and go to bed buzzing.

When I was sixteen, I worked for an art museum as a multicultural dancer.  I was the only one in the program who had no training, but the teacher liked that. My body was not restricted. She taught me the importance of freeing the body.

And then, well, as I grew older I abandoned this physical freedom. I forgot how the body is spirit, too.  My mind expanded and what I knew and how open I felt emotionally matured, but I didn’t think the body was as important anymore.  I thought that it did not matter what the body did as long as one’s spirit was free. I had children and since I was always giving physically to them, I stopped moving for me. Yoga and vegetarianism were things I knew I would do some day but I wasn’t ready.

Then, over a year ago, I got sick with something that would not go away. I have had a low immune system my whole life and I was sick of it, literally. Documentaries like Food Matters and Fat, Sick and Dying inspired me. I began to eat raw as often as I could. My diet went from eating everything that man or god put out there to eating almost completely plant-based foods. I felt GREAT!

One day last May I woke up and it just naturally hit me: I don’t want to eat chicken, beef or pork anymore. No forcing, no laws to follow, I just didn’t want it anymore. I became a pescetarian cold turkey… (okay that sounds funny). At first I did crave some things (like bacon and hotdogs and cheese burgers and sausage) but if I ate something salty it sent that craving bye-bye. I began this process for the health of the planet and my body, but now I have gotten to the point where I feel extreme compassion for the animals and thinking about meat actually grosses me out. I still eat wild-caught fish, but I know that one day this too will be gone from my diet. (I suppose I need to up the compassion for the fish, too.)

So, my immune system was doing awesome, but it wasn’t enough. My body got one taste of health and it screamed at me to do more because I hadn’t been tending to my muscles. I started to run some and go bike riding and then one day it naturally hit me: I want to open my body.

My wonderful husband suggested I get a hotel room one night to have a break from the world (I was stressing out about an upcoming interview). Although I didn’t want to spend the money, I am glad I did because that night I re-established a relationship with my body. I listened to how my body wanted to be stretched and moved and in doing so I found out that I could spiritually align myself quicker.

I don’t follow any set routine because I am somewhat rebellious to authority and I prefer to be spontaneously in the moment, but I do find that how my body wants to be moved is very similar to yoga. Being precedes Doing. Now that I have been moving my body like this daily, I am getting interested in learning asanas. In addition, as I have been studying tantric disciplines for years, doing yoga smooths wonderfully into it.

I have learned from all this that nothing can be forced into action. I always knew that I wanted to do yoga and vegetarianism, but I needed my body to want it too. Once the two paired up, it has felt simply natural to develop these patterns as an outcome. I have not lost respect for people who still eat meat, but I must say I am very pleasantly surprised to learn from experience that we really don’t need it.

And today I am celebrating: a whole year as a pescetarian!   ~Cicada














art by: above-  Cimmi Cumes(Mills) and below-nalanece at deviantArt 

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A young woman stood where she had never been before, and yet the landscape seemed familiar.  She was confused. This was not where she had just been.  She remembered  she had been indoors and it had been night but all other memories had faded.

She stood now with a gentle breeze caressing her face, the long grass clutching at her hem, and the golden sun beginning its decent in the vibrant colored sky.  The clothes she wore were foreign as well.  She never remembered putting on the long white lacy gown that clung to her warm skin.  A voiced then startled her.

“My Queen, you have arrived!”

The woman turned to face the man who now stood before her.  He was handsome and his dark hair was pressed against his forehead by the weight of a golden crown.  He gestured with his outstretched hand.

“Come with me my Queen.”

Their eyes met and he too like this bizarre place seemed familiar despite her knowing that they had never met before.  The Queen took her King’s hand and they began walking together.  Their eyes stayed locked as they strolled, reading each others souls like ancient manuscripts.

They withdrew their gaze only when they arrived at the edge of a great forest. In a realm of Oak and Hawthorn trees, the couple entered their kingdom.  They walked with fading light into a small clearing encircled by mighty oaks.  The Queen felt the ancient power of this place and felt many spirits watching her.  She began having visions of the rites that were performed here in the years before and she began to understand the role she had to play.

As she came to this realization she saw that her King had already begun to withdraw his golden dagger from its sheath.  His eyes were now serious and focusing intensely on her.  He spoke with words like stone.

“Do not be afraid.”

Yet for some reason, she felt no fear.  She felt the ones who walked this journey before her filling her with strength and power.  The King, with a steady hand, placed the tip of the blade at his Queen’s womb. With eyes locking once more he leaned in for one kiss before plunging the dagger deep inside his Queen.

To the Queen’s surprise she felt no pain, only numbness and warmth.  She then fell back in a slow motion onto the grass, her eyes looking up at the treetops.  She felt the warmth on her belly growing and she had this strange thought that the brilliant life pouring from her was probably a beautiful sight.  However, before she could look, something in the treetops grabbed her attention.  A dark shadow moving in the branches was watching her.

It descended down from the treetops and landed on her belly just below her wound.  Unfolding its wings she saw the face of a black bat with big, yet friendly eyes.  The bat spoke to the Queen without words but seemed to communicate through the mind.  He explained to her that he had been traveling a great deal, was exhausted, and in need of nourishment.  He gestured to the Queen’s wound and asked if he might drink some of her crimson nectar so that he could regain his strength and continue on his quest.

The bat was so polite and friendly that the Queen could not refuse him and told him to drink his fill.  The bat lapped up the liquid he so desperately needed, all the while watching the Queen with curious eyes.  The bat suddenly sat up erect with his long ears twitching.  His eyes stared out and became glazed and unmoving.  His mouth began moving and slowly words began to form:

“All that remains, shall be untamed.  All that remains, shall remain unnamed.”

He then shook his head and looked as if nothing odd had just happened.  He spoke to the Queen through his mind one last time to thank her for her kindness.  Then he flew away.

The Queen lay alone in the darkened forest.  She realized her sacrifice and offering had been excepted.  She had also received a special message from the bat that she knew she would carry with her.  She raised to her feet and stood in the stillness, ready to go back from where she had come.  End.

-Just a side note.  I apologize for my terrible grammar and the probable use of many run on sentences.  This author admits that the best grade I ever got in English class was a C.  🙂

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